The End Nears: Robot Opens Door For Friend

February 13, 2018

Man, I was just flying so high after those shitty Olympic skiing robots and then Boston Dynamics has to come along and rain on my parade. Which technically wasn't so much a parade as one man stomping around in his underwear waving his blankie, but my mom said it's nap time and I'm not tired yet. This is a video of a Boston Dynamics hand-headed SpotMini quadruped robot coming along to open a door for his non hand-headed accomplice so they can go assassinate their target and complete the mission. The way they move -- I don't like it. Too fluid. They're like the raptors from the first Jurassic Park movie. I liked it better when robots were all jerky and parts were constantly falling off. Something you could really point and laugh at. Now you look at these two and you think to yourself, "Damn, I could honestly see that coming to kill me." The laughter is gone -- there's only pain left. *tucks cyanide capsule into cheek like chewing tobacco* "That was a Tide Pod." Jesus, do you think I actually know how to get my hands on cyanide? The checkout lady at Kroger barely let me buy these.

Keep going for 45 seconds of the future.

Thanks to Bovis, Jamie, Stephanie B and n0nentity, for really knowing how to ruin a guy's day.

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