So, We've Come To This: Wealthy Neighborhood Installs Bird Spikes In Trees To Prevent Poop On Cars

January 25, 2018


Because people are, by nature, giant turds, this is a shot of one of the trees in a wealthy Bristol, England neighborhood that has had anti-bird spikes nailed to its branches to prevent birds from roosting there and shitting on the residents' expensive cars. Earth: humans don't deserve it.

One resident, who asked to remain anonymous, confirmed the spikes were "solely to to protect cars", which include a number of expensive BMWs and Audis, from bird droppings.

They said: "The spikes are solely to protect the cars, there is no other reason.

"There is a big problem with bird droppings around here. They can really make a mess of cars, and for some reason the birds do seem to congregate around this area.

I just don't know any more, I really don't. We're taking trees away from the birds. And for what -- so your BMW doesn't get a little poop on it? Shit is all part of life. I'm sorry, but I'm siding with the birds on this one. "You're going to go poop on those cars, aren't you?" I did some research and this Taco Bell is less than two hours away. Obviously, I'll still need to take it to go.

Thanks to Melissa, who agrees all the plants and animals should rise up and take the earth back from us.

  • Peter Vaňušanik

    fuck the birds, I wish I could shoot every single one that shits on my car

  • Evil Bastard

    I'd be sorely tempted to find out who made this decision and throw eggs at their cars periodically. I wouldn't, but I'd be really, really tempted.

  • pseudo gamer

    I dont think this is good for the trees...and for the birds obviously

  • Kon Bot

    Poor people be mad.

  • THIS JUST IN - Rich people stab poor peoples eyes 👀 out for staring at their cars deeming it as 'inappropriately long for a casual glance'

  • Fish

    Bird shit verses blood dripping from an impaled bird. Color me interested to see if this has happened.

  • Redeemer

    And now we know why there are so many spikes in Sonic games. Robotnik just wanted that blue hedgehog to quit shitting on his machines.

  • Skagosi Unicorn

    Articles like this highlight the idiocy and insipidness of society. This is how a child would respond to a problem.

    "I don't wanna cleeeeeean my carrrrrr... just put spikes up everywhere to keep away all the things that poop! Now gimme a juice box so I can go back to my pretend reality where I'm the only thing that matters."

  • whacko

    Bird poop can damage a car's paint. I'm not rich, but I do have a tree that covers part of my driveway and I would consider a solution like this over cutting down the tree any day.

    In the summer when birds are active, I can have as many as a dozen poop spots on my car PER DAY not to mention poop all over the driveway. It isn't just a question of "cleeeeeeaning my carrrrrr," it also becomes a health concern because you track some of that poop into the house when you walk in which is bad for pets and small children.

  • Skagosi Unicorn

    And I just realized you complained about tracking poop in your house. Aha. Ahahahahahaha. I needed that laugh, thanks. Maybe you're not useless.

  • Thog

    This would be evil behavior if there was only one tree in town. BFD

  • Nico

    I really hope some birds find out that it's much easier to build a nest in those spikes resulting in an increase of birds on that part of the tree…

  • FearlessFarris

    It looks tacky, but other than that, I don't have an issue with it. The birds have the other half of the tree to sit in, and presumably every other tree in the neighborhood as well.

    This is probably a lot better for the environment than running their car through a car wash every other day.

  • Skagosi Unicorn

    If you give the article a re-read, you'll notice it says trees. The picture is demonstrating one tree.

    Gonna be awesome when a squirrel doesn't understand they've been installed, jumps into the tree, impales his body on the spikes, and rains blood and guts down on those poor, innocent cars.

  • Munihausen

    Garage? Fake owl(s)? .22? That tree is an eyesore.

  • You won't see them in the summer, and depending on the weather, snow may hide them in winter.

  • James Mcelroy

    GW, that taco bell is 2 hours away...that seems like a long time. I definitely wouldn't eat it there. I wouldn't eat it anymore than 30 minutes away, and even that's kind of pushing it. Plus the x-factor of English Taco Bell.

  • Megatron Jenkins

    But that would add to the car owners' "ick!" reaction, lol

  • Geekologie

    i plan on eating it in the car waiting at the end of the street

  • James Mcelroy

    Good plan. still thought, the end of the street? I mean, i usually sit on the toilet while i'm eating it, just for good measure. Damn, i love T-bell.

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