Fantastic News: The Doomsday Clock Moves To 11:58, The Closest To Midnight Since 1953

January 25, 2018


In at least it will all be over soon news, The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists has moved the Doomsday Clock up thirty seconds from 2017's 11:57:30 to 11:58:00 because, let's face it, it's time to get this nuclear fallout party started. It is the closest the clock has been to midnight since 1953 during the Cold War, when the US and Russia were nuclear arms racing. You know, it's a shame they couldn't just arms wrestle instead.

"It is with considerable concern that we set the time of the 2018 doomsday clock and offer a plea to rewind the doomsday clock," said Bulletin of Atomic Scientists President and CEO Rachel Bronson. "As of today, it is two minutes to midnight."

According to the group's report, the greatest threats to global security came from the nuclear realm.

"North Korea's nuclear weapons program made remarkable progress in 2017, increasing risks to North Korea itself, other countries in the region, and the United States," the report notes. "Hyperbolic rhetoric and provocative actions by both sides have increased the possibility of nuclear war by accident or miscalculation."

In related news, I'm now accepting non-refundable down payments for spots in my nuclear bomb shelter for those of you who want to emerge from the ground like mole-people and do battle with hordes of mutants following the nuclear holocaust. "You don't have a bomb shelter." Do too. Here -- take an informational pamphlet. "These are just a bunch of screenshots from Fallout 4." Oh -- you, uh, you played that, huh? Forget it, your spot's already been taken.

Keep going for Iron Maiden's '2 Minutes To Midnight' because it's super appropriate.

Thanks to Nate and GW (but not really me), who want to see what 12:01 looks like.

  • Jenness

    What people don't realize is that this clock signifies the end of the New World Order and once it hits midnight a new age of individual responsibility, enlightenment, accountability and wonderfulness will occur for everyone but the dickheads of the planet.

    Or not but we won't know anyway if we all die so my idea sounds way cooler.

  • KingCraigers

    Awesome, I cant wait til I dont have to work anymore.

  • KingCraigers

    Also, I'm old enough to remember Y2K, the Mayan Calendar failure, that christian dude who said the apocalypse was starting a few years ago, Al Gore's failed predictions, etc. etc.

  • Munihausen

    I don't know who loves the camera, stage, and microphone more: NDT or Laurence Krauss.

  • Doog

    The fact the clock can move backwards makes me think it might not be a real clock. Unless Daylight Savings has played some role.

  • shashi

    its actually 12:58. Real world was retired in 1983 after the simulation began

  • Evil Bastard

    It's all based on opinion, though. The entire thing is just a publicity stunt.

  • Deplorable Erik Dee

    Iron Fucking Maiden!

    Horns up!

  • Bling Nye

    "Put them in the Iron Maiden!"




  • Deplorable Erik Dee

    In the immortal words of Ted "Theodore" Logan, "Woah......"

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Just put it at midnight and end it already!

  • TheQiwiMan

    A large percentage of people who are legitimately scared by this spoopy magic clock are also wearing "I Fucking Love Science" T-Shirts...

  • Bosun Higgs

    Exactly. This "doomsday clock" has as much significance as the Drake equation.

  • captaindash

    I know. As if this is nearly the same as when there was an actual naval standoff between the world's only superpowers.

  • Nicholas Conrad

    Too afraid to ask what "spoopy" means, even in an incognito window...

  • TheQiwiMan
  • FearlessFarris

    Awesome! Time to blare Iron Maiden "2 Minutes to Midnight."

  • Jason Christopher

    Bring on the end and make it quick!

  • Irina Abramovich

    "I hope the world bomb arrow points to a McDonald's in my area -- that way I can just catch the cheeseburgers with my mouth as they come flying out of McDonald's without having to wait to order and then wait to receive my order." -- afterooster's beautiful wife.

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree, you're a perfect friend from ANYWHERE IN THE GALAXY.=)=)=)
    Irina, it was great to throw up leftover Chinese with you today -- thanks for having nice breath, unlike me, I had Chinese food breath with a severe VOMIT smell -- BUT ONLY UNTIL I BRUSH MY TEETH -- AFTER THAT I WAS TOTALLY KISSABLE.=)

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