Fantastic News: The Doomsday Clock Moves To 11:58, The Closest To Midnight Since 1953

January 25, 2018


In at least it will all be over soon news, The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists has moved the Doomsday Clock up thirty seconds from 2017's 11:57:30 to 11:58:00 because, let's face it, it's time to get this nuclear fallout party started. It is the closest the clock has been to midnight since 1953 during the Cold War, when the US and Russia were nuclear arms racing. You know, it's a shame they couldn't just arms wrestle instead.

"It is with considerable concern that we set the time of the 2018 doomsday clock and offer a plea to rewind the doomsday clock," said Bulletin of Atomic Scientists President and CEO Rachel Bronson. "As of today, it is two minutes to midnight."

According to the group's report, the greatest threats to global security came from the nuclear realm.

"North Korea's nuclear weapons program made remarkable progress in 2017, increasing risks to North Korea itself, other countries in the region, and the United States," the report notes. "Hyperbolic rhetoric and provocative actions by both sides have increased the possibility of nuclear war by accident or miscalculation."

In related news, I'm now accepting non-refundable down payments for spots in my nuclear bomb shelter for those of you who want to emerge from the ground like mole-people and do battle with hordes of mutants following the nuclear holocaust. "You don't have a bomb shelter." Do too. Here -- take an informational pamphlet. "These are just a bunch of screenshots from Fallout 4." Oh -- you, uh, you played that, huh? Forget it, your spot's already been taken.

Keep going for Iron Maiden's '2 Minutes To Midnight' because it's super appropriate.

Thanks to Nate and GW (but not really me), who want to see what 12:01 looks like.

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