Smart Thinking: Man Attacks ATM For Dispensing Too Much Money

December 28, 2017

atm-attack.jpg

23-year old Michael Joseph Oleksik of Cocoa, Florida (where else?) was recently arrested for criminal mischief after repeatedly punching an ATM's touch screen after the machine erroneously dispensed too much money. Wells Fargo Bank claims he caused over $5,000 in damages to the machine, presumably because he's the Incredible Hulk.

Authorities said Oleksik can be seen on surveillance video standing at the ATM, pummeling the electronic teller's touch screen on Nov. 29.


A short time later, an apologetic Oleksik called the bank and told a manager that he punched the ATM because he was 'angry the ATM was giving him too much money and he did not know what to do,' records show. Oleksik also said that he was in a hurry for work and apologized for the damage to the bank's ATM.

Wells Fargo contacted the Cocoa Police Department and asked to press charges.

Ah, so he Bruce Banner'd back to normal and called the bank. I don't know, maybe he should have done that first? "Florida Man." Say no more. Still, calling the police to press charges is a pretty shitty move by Wells Fargo -- your machine started the fight by screwing up in the first place. Besides, weren't you the bank that was just busted for that massive account fraud scandal? "No comment." I'm burying all my money in pickle jars where it's safe.

Thanks to Davey W, who doesn't believe in banks and just invested all his money in cryptocurrency where it's the safest and securest.

  • palpable ovaltine

    Incredible Hulk? He looks more like Captain America.

  • Irina Abramovich

    Palpable ovaltine:

    Here I am logging into my other account, under a disguised name, to write about how fat afterooster’s wife is:

    Have you heard that afteroister’s wife is so fat she once tried to be Captain America because she ate all the freedom fries at McDonalds and thought she was fatter than America — she was going to compete with the original superhero at everything, including having erections from radiation even bough her female orgasms were cholesterol related problems in reality it was found out recently.=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: I love my sweetest, baby, furry #1 kitten!!!
    Irina: I like us when we are anorexic friends!!!

  • Deborah Simonson

    What the living hell

  • Meh

    Well that bank clearly consists of a bunch of assholes. The guy even phoned up to admit it. What do they want when their shitty machines (running on windows xp or 98), malfunction.

  • Konstantin

    "Asked to press charges." - There's the incentive to actually call them and come clean about what happened. I mean, guy's an idiot and deserves it, but the bank just shot themselves in the foot. Everyone's reading the story just going to take away the, "Don't call the bank if ATM gives you too much money, if you damage an ATM, or if you even see anyone damage the ATM, because the bank will be petty, and it's more trouble than it's worth."

  • Gingerbread

    Florida Man strikes again

  • Irina Abramovich

    afterooster,

    Here I am logging into my other account, under a disguised name, to write about how fat afterooster's wife is:

    I heard afterooster's wife ate $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 worth of cheeseburger's at McDonald's then lost 5 Lbs. playing in the KidsZone. She swam in the balls and also, jumped into them like she was 550 lbs. again. It was tear worthy and precious and I wish I would've been there to throw balls at her boobs.=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You have a perfect #1 God penis and you are number 1 kitten. Me having sex with you would be TABOO, the GOD FORBIDS IT -- IT'S SO PRECIOUS WAY.=)=)=) See you in class tomorrow where I'll pull on your hair and push my chest into your butt somehow to get you to notice me write "penis jokes" to you on money!!!=)=)=)
    Irina: You're a sweet ASS runner -- we should play outside together more!!!=)
    Jonathan: You could come out to Minnesota sometime and play in the snow with me and my friends! It would be classic Minnesota fun!!!
    afterooster: We could make snow cones for you and your fat, wife to eat in Minnesota. I hope to hear from you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Gingerbread

    Ain't there a better place for you to deal with all this personal sh*t ?

  • Irina Abramovich

    Gingerbread:

    Like where? Inside your butt with olive oil and with afterooster’s watching with jealousy? Or like, at therapy for hot girls with sexy sense of humour? I’ll see you there where I’ll make fun of afterooster’s fat wife drinking olive oil out of afterooster’s dick hole☘️!!!=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You are number one L33T haz0r kitten in the universe!!!!=)
    Irina: I like doing BMI analyses with you!!!=)

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