This is 'The Handsome One' a new Harry Potter chapter written by a predictive text artificial intelligence program after analyzing the seven original books. The highlights while I go wave my own magic wand at a bathroom urinal:
Within roughly three full pages of the new book titled Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, Ron begins eating Hermione's family, two Death Eaters kiss, Harry blinds himself, Hermione sticks a Death Eater's face in mud, and Harry falls down a staircase for several months.
Well that got out of hand pretty quick. "Still a better love story than Twilight." I don't know why everybody gives Twilight such a hard time, I liked it. FULL DISCLOSURE: I've never read the books though, I only bought the movies. "BOUGHT?!" They're not that bad!
Keep going to read the pages.
Thanks to Lynsey P and Ash, who agree they need to turn this AI program onto some Jurassic Park erotic fan fiction.