Predictive Text Algorithm Writes A New Harry Potter Chapter

December 21, 2017

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This is 'The Handsome One' a new Harry Potter chapter written by a predictive text artificial intelligence program after analyzing the seven original books. The highlights while I go wave my own magic wand at a bathroom urinal:

Within roughly three full pages of the new book titled Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, Ron begins eating Hermione's family, two Death Eaters kiss, Harry blinds himself, Hermione sticks a Death Eater's face in mud, and Harry falls down a staircase for several months.

Well that got out of hand pretty quick. "Still a better love story than Twilight." I don't know why everybody gives Twilight such a hard time, I liked it. FULL DISCLOSURE: I've never read the books though, I only bought the movies. "BOUGHT?!" They're not that bad!

Keep going to read the pages.

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Thanks to Lynsey P and Ash, who agree they need to turn this AI program onto some Jurassic Park erotic fan fiction.

  • palpable ovaltine

    Ron was going to be spiders. He just was.

  • sebastian

    omg that was the best thing ive ever read, im INCONSOLABLY crying from my laughter. "Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest"

  • Skagosi Unicorn

    More please, I'm in stitches. Every human writer should be incredibly insulted right now.

  • TheQiwiMan

    This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life.

  • Mr. Roboto

    Never having read any HP books, this is kind of what I imagined all of them to be like.

  • Dao

    Harry did not like to think about birds.

  • Talon184

    If David Lynch wrote Harry Potter...

  • It's more like if Steve Aylett wrote Harry Potter.

  • Adam

    It's more like if Gary Busey wrote Harry Potter.

  • Gingerbread

    It had been a while since I last laughed as much. THIS is why I visit geekologie every week.

  • Bubbubsky

    That is absolutely hysterical.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    My god, i would buy the shit out of this book. I'm trying to hold in my laughs at work and then the "You are Hagrid now" line comes along and destroys me.

  • TheQiwiMan

    And the password is "BEEF WOMEN"!!! I'm dying! 😂😂😂

  • Skagosi Unicorn

    Maybe that's why Harry dipped her in hot sauce!

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