Dear God: Competitive Eater Matt Stonie Eating 100 Slices Of White Bread

October 25, 2017


This is a video of competitive eater/my personal try-hard-and-believe-in-yourself hero Matt Stonie eating 100 slices of Wonder brand white bread in 34 minutes. For reference, that's fifty regular sandwiches worth, or 100 fold-overs (I'm super sick at math). About halfway through he starts adding some jelly, presumably because a man can only eat so much plain white bread before he can't stand it anymore. In Matt's case, that number was 52 slices. I couldn't even eat one slice of bread without putting something on it, or at least not mashing it up into a little ball first. Remember when you used to do that when you were a kid? Those were the days. "You still do that." I'm young at heart. The rest of me is at least 400 though.

Keep going for the video, which was sped up at parts so it only lasts seven minutes.

Thanks to Cyndi M, who knows what I like, and I like people proving the human body is the most disgusting machine on the planet.

  • Irina Abramovich


    Here I am logging into my other account, under a disguised name, to write about how fat afterooster’s wife is:
    I heard afterooster’s wife is so fat she once ate 10,000 gallons of liquid butter and gained 10 lbs. from farting out the fumes and then had sex with the butter on afterooster’s ass and then she found out the she is pregnant with a fat baby and and she will eat for sufficiency and she’ll die as the fattest human in all of known existence and afterooster will have sex with a pile of her, fat dead body and then orgasm for 10 years of fat and cry out more butter and gain weight as a dead human and fall in love with a fat dead, beautifully shaped woman made out of rotted fat and cheeseburgers!!!=)=)

    <3 Thomaste

    Hubree: You’re more popular now that you’ve achieved level 10 on the ten scale God achievement test for brilliance!!!=)=)=)
    Irina: You’re the nicest best friend with Hubree in all of the world — you’re soft, gentle hands are so sweet to my throat when I throw up Erberts and Gerberts and feel nice all day and all night and then feel great being being anorexic and bulimic.=)

  • JJtoob

    Where's Trey Parkeir?

  • Jenness

    If you drank a bunch of water after this, you'd die right? I bet he pukes it up, how can you not be sick as a dog and want to die.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I know a lot more about competitive eating than I ever really wanted to but he drinks water while he's chowing down in part to eat the food faster but also so his gut doesn't go boom.

  • Jenness

    How doesn't it expand even more though? I have so many questions but frankly I really don't want the answers to any of them.

  • Redeemer


  • Deksam

    Libbys be like "What?! No brown bread?! How racist!!!"

  • TheQiwiMan

    I always feel bad for this dude after a challenge like this. It's amazing what the human body is capable of, but MAN must he have a painful time on the shitter afterwards...

  • GeneralDisorder

    Imagine living with that guy. You wouldn't have to ask who clogged the shitter though.

  • Irina Abramovich


    Here I am logging into my other account, under a disguised name, to write about how fat Afterooster’s wife is:

    I heard afterooster’s wife eats fat out of the toilet and then flushes her fat down the toilet and then runs down the sewer while eating buttermilk ranch and chicken strips and gains 35 lbs. in five seconds!!!=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You’re the nicest #1 kitten in all of the UNIVERSE and I love you forever!!!=)

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