Don't Tell My Mom: Ruby, A Newly Recognized 4th Category Of Chocolate

September 8, 2017


80 years after the acceptance of white chocolate (my least favorite) as the third official category of chocolate (following dark and milk), the Barry Callebaut Group, the "foremost authority on the subject of chocolate in Zurich" has announced a fourth official category of chocolate: ruby. I can already hear my mom hunting for her car keys to take a trip to Godiva store at the mall.

This new chocolate is made from a ruby cocoa bean, which is distinctive for both its color and taste.

Ruby chocolate has an intense taste and characteristic reddish color. The Ruby bean is unique because the fresh berry-fruitiness and color precursors are naturally present. The cocoa beans are sourced from different regions of the world. ...The fourth type in chocolate offers a totally new taste experience, which is not bitter, milky or sweet, but a tension between berry-fruitiness and luscious smoothness. To create Ruby chocolate no berries or berry flavor, nor color, is added.

What a time to be alive. Although I'm still angry the Barry Callebaut Group refuses to accept Cocoa Pebbles as a recognized category of chocolate. IT EVEN TURNS YOUR MILK CHOCOLATE. I can't even tell you how many letters I've written to them about it, but if we're being honest that number is zero because I don't have time for arguing with close-minded chocolate snobs. I butt-chug Nesquik on the regular, I know my stuff.

Keep going for a couple more shots.



Thanks to Allyson S, who agrees the best category of chocolate is Snickers.

  • MM

    best chocolate is reese's

  • Jenness

    I want to try it to, I figure with Dark Chocolate (my fave) the combo should be delicious with a vat of wine

  • My favourite is white chocolate.
    But I want this in me!

  • TheQiwiMan

    I got some right here, ladies! Step into my beautiful white windowless van, you can have as much as you like!

  • Jenness

    Sold! Anyone who looks like that is GOT to have candy on 'em.

  • Are you really sure about that?

  • TheQiwiMan
  • Doog

    What exactly is that first picture? A ruby chocolate cucumber? Is that really the best these 'professionals' could do for an announcement about a whole new chocolate?

    Could you imagine if they discovered a new kind of gemstone and to show it off they released a picture of a gemstone covered toilet seat?

    Sorry I just really hate cucumbers and really love chocolate.

  • Bling Nye

    I believe it's supposed to be a bean pod, so it's appropriate.

    Or it's a big turd, because it's so good you'll shit your pants.


  • Doog

    Ah yes I believe you are correct I didn't see how turd like it was before.

  • Meh

    Anyone else has a raised eyebrow after spotting Zurich? I thought they dealt primarily in karats of fecal matter. It can't just be me.

  • asdfadfs

    the beanpod/turd thing likely only aids in the your southpark vs reality confusion

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