Because the locomotive engineer driving humanity's train decided to push the lever to full-steam ahead and then break it off so we're left barreling towards the end of the line, these are a pair of hairy leg leggings (with a blank crotch like a Ken doll) available from custom clothing printer Contrado (previously: those unrelated but similar hairy chest one-piece bathing suits). I'm not even going to pretend like I understand. As a matter of fact, I'm just going to pretend like I never saw them. Life made a lot more sense back then and I miss it.
Thanks to C, who agrees the best leggings have little cats or unicorns on them -- something that makes sense.