Florida Manatee Perplexed By Man In Clear Canoe

July 6, 2017


This is a video of a manatee in Florida who followed a man with long, beautiful hair all the way back to shore after becoming fascinated by his See Through Canoe brand transparent boat. Is it just a viral ad for See Through Canoes? Probably. If I had a transparent canoe, you know what I'd do with it? "Use it to taunt sharks?" Are you crazy? I'd sell it on Craigslist, I'm not going anywhere near an open body of water in that thing. Thanks to sharks and alligators I don't even feel safe bathing anymore -- I just rub myself down with ice cubes. *uses fingers to fish an ice cube out of my 64-ounce Big Gulp, proceeds to rub nipples with it* This doing anything for you? "Making me sick." Like sick-sick, or is that you trying to talk dirty? "Like sick-sick." Want to see what I can do with a Big Bite and Monterey Jack Taquito? "I'm leaving." Your loss!

Keep going for the video while at least one person lies awake in bed tonight wondering just what it is I can do with that taquito.

Thanks to Mia, who agrees any of those old mariners who mistook manatees for mermaids had clearly been out to sea too long and lost their minds to sun-rot.

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