China Selling 'Anti-Pervert' Personal Flamethrowers

July 20, 2017


Several online retailers in China are currently selling 'anti-pervert' personal flamethrowers. The devices, which range in price from $13 to $40, can shoot flames as far as 20 feet, reaching temperatures in excess of 2,000° Fahrenheit. Obviously, I am 100% for melting gropers' hands off.

One vendor told the Beijing Youth Daily, as reported by the Telegraph, that the products "can leave a permanent scar, but are a legal, non-lethal tool," adding that they're "not a weapon." But police seem to disagree, saying that they're very much against the law and that it's also "technically illegal" to send the flame-throwers to customers through the postal service.

While it's hard to be concerned for sexual harassers, there are other safety problems to be considered. Many are considering the possibility of the flame-throwers being switched on accidentally inside the carrier's handbags, a terrifying thought.

It sucks we live in a world where women have to resort to personal flamethrowers to keep perverts at bay. I'm genuinely surprised God hasn't pushed the big red DO-OVER button yet. What's he waiting for? I'd push it if I had the chance. How hard do think it would be to sneak into heaven anyways? I'd just have to jump the pearly gates when Saint Peter isn't paying attention, right? "Not so fast." The devil! "You belong to me." Dammit, don't you have some gropers you should be attending to?

Keep going for a shot of an ad for a personal flamethrower.


Thanks to Mark V, who agrees fire fixes everything.

  • The_Wretched

    What could possibly go wrong?

  • Enzo Gorlami

    Can you imagine the awesome factor lighting up a giant Cuban stogie with this thing?

  • AaaronG

    These would be great for camping. Wet wood? No problem.

  • Jenness

    I just see this setting fire to a lot of bras and purses.

  • Xandar Romulus

    Yeah...Maybe just carry one of these free credit card knives.. I'm still waiting for the credit card flame thrower but that may take some development

  • Chaz Gomez

    Have they never heard of tazers?

  • Bling Nye

    Being able to defend yourself is so hot.

  • Kazuka Roo

    that's badass. i just don'tg want it to explode like a samsung phone or an e-cig.

  • TheQiwiMan

    "Anti-Pervert"? Dang. So how do you know if this thing would even be effective against a potential harasser? Like, say there's somebody creepin up behind you in a dark alley, and you pull this thing out, but it turns out it's just like a 'Skeevy Dude', or a 'Gross Guy' creepin up on you. It'd be totally useless against them! They are only "Anti-Pervert"!

    I don't wanna have to buy a whole catalog of these things to keep me protected. :-(

  • Draco Basileus

    Orange crispy beef is one of my favorite Chinese dishes.

    Crispy testicle flesh is one of my least favorite.

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