Burger King Releases Froot Loop And Lucky Charm Shakes

June 26, 2017


Because I'm just going to assume it was opposite day when my doctor told me I need to lose weight, Burger King has just introduced two new milkshakes: Fruit Loop and Lucky Charms. A brief description of each while I pick all the marshmallows out my box of Lucky Charms and prepare for an enema. "Wait, what?" Nothing -- nothing.

Introducing the FROOT LOOPS® Shake. Velvety Vanilla-flavored Soft Serve. FROOT LOOPS® Cereal pieces and sweet sauce are hand spun to perfection to create our twist on one of America's classic breakfast cereals.

Velvety vanilla-flavored soft serve, LUCKY CHARMS® oat cereal with marshmallows, and sweet sauce are hand spun to perfection; to create our twist on one of America's classic breakfast cereals.

So what exactly is this sweet sauce they're talking about? "I've got some sweet sauce for you right here, GW." I'm sure you do. And why does the Lucky Charms shake have pieces of the actual oat cereal in it? Nobody wants that. The Froot Loops shake is 720 calories, and the Lucky Charms shake 740, so they're best left for your cheat day from the gym. Or for just admitting you've given up. I prefer the lying to myself thing though.

Thanks to Rani, who agrees the shake machine is just going to be broken every time you try to order one anyways, so why bother.

  • Cy

    The Lucky Charms one was basically stale cereal in a vanilla shake. It was okay but I won't be getting another.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Lucky Charm shake sounds downright delicious right up until the obnoxious green leprechaun shits. `

  • David Shire

    I'm so in. The only reason I go to fast food restaurants now is to buy novelty weirdo milkshakes.

  • I imagine a lot of students getting this on their way to school and telling their parents that they had Fruit Loops for breakfast.

  • zethreal

    Well, that would be *technically* correct. The best kind of correct.

  • Hoooo shieeet, this sounds amazing. Not quite amazing enough for me to set foot in a burger king... but... pretty amazing!

  • TheQiwiMan


  • econoking

    I have had the fruit loops shake, and it tastes as advertised, with the addition of a slight tinny aftertaste.

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