You Didn't!: A Unicorn Head Trophy Mount

May 18, 2017

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This is the 'Unicorn Attack Plaque' (strange choice of name) available from ThinkGeek (and other places, look around if you want one and buy me a present while you're at it -- preferably something you want to see me in from a lingerie shop so I know you still find me attractive). The unicorn trophy mount costs $87, is almost 20-inches long, has a golden horn, and a neck that looks like a ballsack. ThinkGeek explicitly mentions that its magical properties are not guaranteed. That's kind of a deal breaker for me. I buy almost all of my magic supplies from a witch in the swamp and she has a 30-day money back guarantee on the effectiveness of her products. Granted the last time somebody tried to get her to honor the guarantee she turned them into a turd, but that was me and I actually don't mind it. For once people actually try to avoid stepping all over me, which is nice. I only hope one day a special boy comes along and sets me on fire and throws me on somebody's porch.

Keep going for one more shot.

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Thanks to Ryon, who wants a trophy mount of one of those asteroid worms from Star Wars.

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