You Didn't!: A Unicorn Head Trophy Mount

May 18, 2017


This is the 'Unicorn Attack Plaque' (strange choice of name) available from ThinkGeek (and other places, look around if you want one and buy me a present while you're at it -- preferably something you want to see me in from a lingerie shop so I know you still find me attractive). The unicorn trophy mount costs $87, is almost 20-inches long, has a golden horn, and a neck that looks like a ballsack. ThinkGeek explicitly mentions that its magical properties are not guaranteed. That's kind of a deal breaker for me. I buy almost all of my magic supplies from a witch in the swamp and she has a 30-day money back guarantee on the effectiveness of her products. Granted the last time somebody tried to get her to honor the guarantee she turned them into a turd, but that was me and I actually don't mind it. For once people actually try to avoid stepping all over me, which is nice. I only hope one day a special boy comes along and sets me on fire and throws me on somebody's porch.

Keep going for one more shot.


Thanks to Ryon, who wants a trophy mount of one of those asteroid worms from Star Wars.

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