This is the Medieval Cheese Board designed by Kikkerland and sold by ThinkGeek ($35, might be able to get it cheaper elsewhere but I didn't look because I'm not in the market for a novelty cheese plate because I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, although the doctor did remove a seafood fork from my rectum, which the Little Mermaid treasures now). It comes with a wooden shield shaped cheese plate, two battle axe knives, and one spear knife for cutting the cheese. It doesn't really look that fancy, but you're buying a medieval themed cheese plate, what the hell did you expect? "I expected it to be fit for a king!" Well you expected way too much. Me? I always expect the bare minimum, that way I can't be let down. You know what I'm asking for on my birthday this year? For just one person to remember. "That might still be pushing it." Mom! SAD FACT: when I was young my parents always told me my birthday was on August 32nd so they'd never have to celebrate it. I'm not even one yet.
Keep going for a couple more shots.
Thanks to lizzy, who agrees the best cheese plates are the ones shared with friends over two boxes of wine and some laughs, then making prank calls.