You've Got To Be Kidding Me: A $57,535 Bed Pillow

April 25, 2017


Because nothing makes sense anymore, this is the $57,535 Tailor Made Pillow designed by 'neck specialist' Thijs van der Hilst. What the hell do you get for your $57,535? Hopefully the best night's sleep of your life. Of course, if you have $60,000 to spend on a pillow, how the hell are you not already sleeping like a baby every night?

Along with his personal experience, neck specialist Thijs van der Hilst used 3D scanners, printers and a complex mathematical algorithm to create the size and shape of a pillow that would be made from a combination of hand-stitched Egyptian cotton and a splash of 24 carat gold. The pillow would then be bespokely moulded out of non-toxic Dutch memory foam to the sleeper's head, neck and shoulders.

That golden fabric makes up both sides of the sleep-aid, while its zipper comes studded with no less than four diamonds and a huge 22.5ct sapphire.

Oh cool, a pillow made out of gold-spun Egyptian cotton with four diamonds and a giant 22.5 carat sapphire on the zipper. That's something somebody needs. Unfortunately for its maker though, this isn't actually the world's most expensive pillow. That honor belongs to the pillow I'm selling. "What's so special about it?" I've slept on it for fourteen years. "Jesus, it looks like one giant sweat stain." That's right, it's been imbued with my pheromones -- my essence. It drives women wild. Nine out of ten women participating in my blind smell test vomited, presumably because they were overcome with desire. "And the one woman who didn't puke?" Turns out she can't smell. A million dollars, it'll be on eBay next week.

Thanks to vishal, who agrees everybody is different, so there's no perfect pillow for everyone. Take me for example, I have a hunchback and had to dig a hole in my space foam mattress topper.

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