Dear God: A Pizza Inside A Burger With Pizzas For Buns

April 26, 2017


This is a video from the uninsurable folks at Youtube channel Hellthy Junk Food documenting the construction of a burger with a pizza inside the patty, and pizzas for buns. Me? You'd swear I have two slabs of chiseled granite for buns. "They look like cottage cheese." Only when I clench them. Man, college me would have been all over this burger. Now? Now I have to eat healthy because my metabolism has slowed to a snail's pace and I'm gaining weight by the hour. I swear by the time I leave work today I'll be a different pant size. And the exercise regimen my doctor has me on doesn't seem to do anything. All I have to look forward to anymore are cheat days. "Let me guess -- every day that ends in Y?" No -- every day that begins with me sobbing in the shower. "So....." Let's say five days a week.

Keep going for the entirely too-long video, so feel free to skip around.

Thanks to Linc, who agrees Celeste pizzas and Cup Noodles are the basis of a healthy college diet.

  • Dimitris

    It needs bacon and about 6 fried eggs on top of the beef patty.

  • Gilbert

    You need help, and I'm sure a hefty dose of Statins...

  • Titty McNipplefondler

    I want that inside of me

  • Bling Nye

    I love how purposely vague that statement is, you naughty minx.

  • Bling Nye

    All I can think of (after first thinking how amazing this would be when stoned) is the burger isn't cooked on the inside; there's a large portion that's very pink still on the inside next to the pizza it's wrapped around.

    I'd like these kinds of things better if they actually used a fucking digital thermometer to ensure proper food safety... E.coli's no fucking joke when you're shitting your kidneys out in liquid form.

  • reave

    As long as the hamburger is fresh and from a reputable source, it's fine. I make medium to medium-rare burgers all the time.

  • Bling Nye

    It's less about "fresh" and far more about how it was slaughtered and processed. E. coli is a common bacteria for cattle, including the strains that produce shiga toxins that cause illness in humans. "Fresh" has very little to do with it. Any contamination could have serious consequences if it's not cooked enough to ensure bacteria are killed. Pink or bloody whole muscle steaks that aren't pinned are fine to eat rare, pink and bloody in the middle, but ground beef isn't the same since the bacteria can be distributed throughout the meat including the center due to grinding. If the patty is too thick, as in this case, the center won't get nearly as hot and you risk not killing bacteria that may be present.

    Eating undercooked ground beef is playing Russian roulette with your butt.

  • Jenness

    They actually had cheese and a pizza stuffed in the meat so it wasn't that that thick but on the video it looked a bit reddish in one shot and then totally cooked in others so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  • Bling Nye
  • GeneralDisorder

    I literally just finished lunch and now I'm hungry because of looking at this.

  • Geekologie

    what did you have?

  • GeneralDisorder

    It was one of those build your own salad deals so as much as would fit in the bowl. Now that my gut has settled I don't want to eat my monitor.

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