Count Me In: A 30-Pound Pizza Covered In Tacos And Guac

April 17, 2017


This is the Taco Pizza available from Tony Baloney's in Hoboken, New Jersey, every Taco Tuesday. You can get a three-taco slice for $10 or a whole pie for $75. Apparently the pie was inspired by a group of stoners who wandered into the restaurant asking for tacos, despite them not being on the menu. I do that all the time. "Get high and ask for tacos?" No, try to order things that aren't on the menu. I'll have the porterhouse and a baked potato. "This is Dunkin' Donuts." I WANNA SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER.

"These kids came in high as hell... stoned out of their minds," Hauke recalls. "They were like, 'Yo, let me get some tacos.'" Other customers started asking what it was, and suddenly there was a line out the door for the 30lb Taco Pizza every Tuesday.

The massive pizza...begins with house-made queso Oaxaca, carne asada, chipotle asada, and a solid heaping of cheese on top of pizza dough. Once the pizza is cooked, a myriad of taco varieties are piled on the outer rim of the pizza. To finish it all off, guacamole and sour cream are added to the center of the pie for easy dipping access.

heed Hauke's advice on how to best consume it: "Take the tacos off, dip it in the guac, move them around in the carne asada, eat the tacos, and then smear all the guac and sour cream -- all that good stuff -- over the pie, and eat the slice."

$10 says I could eat the whole thing myself. And I'm not just saying that because I don't have any friends to share it with, but I don't believe in sharing or friends. Besides, every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself. I don't believe in myself though, I always let myself down. "Sounds like you need a hug." I do. And...maybe a little kiss? "You're pushing it." I'll settle for a poke in the ass with a pen.

Keep going for a shot of a slice and a video.


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