The Sumo Tube, An Inflatable Body Surfing Tube

March 2, 2017

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This is the SPORTSSTUFF Sumo Tube, a $180 inflatable tube you can wear to bodysurf, get towed behind a boat, or be stabbed and dumped overboard to chum the water for sharks. It also looks like a great way to be held underwater and drown if you put it on wrong like my mom always does my life vest. I get it, you wish you'd stopped after Frank. The Sumo Tube also comes with an inflatable bodyboard with rope attachment to help keep your head above water if you're tubing behind a boat. Me? I plan on being the first person to go over Niagara Falls wearing one. And if I die, well...you know what to do. "Sue on your behalf." Exactly, and? "Set your apartment on fire." You really are my best friend, you know that?

Keep going for a couple more pictures and videos of the thing in action.

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Thanks to Nathaniel, who once offered himself up as shark bait to try to impress mermaids. They were briefly impressed too, before he was torn limb from limb.

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