So, We've Come To This: Designer Fire Extinguishers

March 15, 2017


Because rich people have to actively search for new things to spend money on, this is the line of designer fire extinguishers released by Safe-T. They cost between $100 and $200 and come in all sorts of designs like wine bottle, ketchup bottle, cigar wrapper, tomato soup can, strawberry jam, and camouflage. Because who wouldn't want a fire extinguisher that tries to blend in with your kitchen decor when there's a fire? Man, I wish I lived a life where everything else was so perfectly in order that my fire extinguisher's design was something that mattered to me. Sadly, I know it's only a matter of time before I die in a house fire. And I'm not just saying that because I took the batteries out of all my smoke detectors, but that chirping was getting annoying. "That means the batteries are low and need to be replaced." Oh what, you speak smoke detector now?

Thanks to Stephanie B, who agrees the best fire extinguisher is full-coverage homeowners insurance and the desire to start over in Puerto Rico.

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