Facial Reconstruction Of A Man Who Lived 700 Years Ago

March 29, 2017


This is the facial reconstruction of 'Context 958', a 13th century man with a 25th century name. Now I know what you're thinking, and I 100% agree: I expected a man who lived 700 years ago to be way hairier and walk on all fours. "You're an idiot." Admittedly, I was never good at history. Or math or english or science. I dropped out of home-school when I was eight and never looked back. *puts on the cool guy shades I bought at the gas station because I can't afford Ray-Bans*

Based on an exhaustive analysis of his remains and the burial site, here's what we know about Context 958.

He was just slightly over 40 years old when he died. His skeleton showed signs of considerable wear-and-tear, so he likely lead a tough and hard working life. His tooth enamel stopped growing during two occasions in his youth, suggesting he likely lived through bouts of famine or sickness when he was young. The archaeologists found traces of blunt force trauma inflicted to the back of his head, which healed over before he died. The researchers aren't sure what he did for a living, but they think he was a working-class person who specialized in some kind of trade.

Perhaps even more interesting is how Context 958 looks almost identical to my neighbor who lives two houses down whose entire front yard is filled with dandelions and all the other neighbors hate him because the seeds blow into their yards, then they've got dandelions too, and they don't want dandelions, they want grass in their yard. Me? I want a water park or a bikini bar!

Thanks to Douglass, who's just happy to hear Context 958 managed to survive the attempted murder.

  • skeptic

    How can we be sure that the facial hair and head hairstyle are similar to what the actual bloke had 700 years back?

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    I will only trust these reconstructions when one is done on a 3d printed skull made from a medical scan of a living human being and compared to them. That would be the proof.

  • mstlyharmlss

    Well I guess nobody's noticed that this person must be a ancestor of Xander Berkeley. (Walking Dead, 24, etc) Looks almost like him. :P

  • TJ Wilferd

    Hah, yeah I was gunna say he looks a lot like that douchey guy that runs the Hilltop on The Wacking Dad.

  • This man looks just like the average man looks today. I guess we didn't 'evolve' much over the past 700 years, did we?

  • AtomicAcorn

    Indeed, because that's not the scale at which evolution is largely noticeable.

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    And it's even slower with humans because civilisation removes a good amount of the natural selection side of the process.

  • uKER

    So yeah, you just made a piece of news out of a random B&W picture of a guy's mug and two paragraphs of nonsensical babble with absolutely no content. Just great.

  • iofo61

    Did you get lost on your way to Scientific American and end up here instead?

  • Kazuka Roo

    what did you expect. you'd be a damn fool to expect anything else

  • TheQiwiMan

    Considering "a working-class person who specialized in some kind of trade" would describe pretty much anyone but royalty, I think that's a pretty safe bet.

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