Real Things That Exist: iPhone Enabled Smart Socks

February 21, 2017


Because humanity is rapidly reaching its expiration date, these are the Classic Calf Socks With Plus+ technology sold by They cost $189 for ten pairs and each individual sock has a communication button that can connect to your iPhone (through an included transmitter) because this is the world we live in now.

Imagine your phone could communicate with your socks. Your phone would know:

which socks belong together,and could help sort them out,
how often you have washed your socks,
when your socks were produced,
when you ordered your socks and
when your socks were dispatched.

Your iPhone can also tell you if your black socks are no longer properly black [by taking a photo and comparing it to a chart] and help you buy new socks.

Wow, I can honestly say not a single one of those things is important to me. You know, BECAUSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOCKS. Besides, the only valuable function a smart sock could possibly have isn't even included: GPS tracking to find out where that rogue son of a bitch is hiding.

Keep going for a video (turn on the subtitles).

Thanks to Todd, who can't believe they don't even have the tech to tell you how bad your shoes smell. Me? I don't wear socks so my shoes always stink like a dead animal.

  • Yes, real things also exist in the world for the success and triumph of the individuals. The satisfaction of the people is utmost and paramount which is based on the happiness of the people for the utilization of the good and real things in life.

  • Cheese

    Do they include semen saturation sensors? Crust prevention algorithms?
    No? Not interested.

  • Cup-O-Jesus

    And, "Honey! Have you seen my phone? I can't find my socks!"

  • Cup-O-Jesus

    Also, "It's a good thing the SOCKS are smart."

  • TheQiwiMan
  • Cup-O-Jesus

    ...sucker born every minute.

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  • Cheese

    Selling your torn butthole and herpes ridden mouth for crack money is not considered legitimate employment.

  • Titty McNipplefondler

    I'm glad that my password is just Password1 and therefore very secure and bullet proof. I will never be hacked by these sexy looking bots.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    this could be a genius idea if all they did was sell pairs of plain, identical black socks with no connectivity at all, and the app just bullshitted you and made stuff up since they all look the same

  • Cup-O-Jesus

    I love the visual that your name inspires!

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