Damn Mother Nature, You're Crazy: The Wonk-Eyed Strawberry Squid

February 17, 2017


This is a video from The Monterey Bay Aquarium And Research Institute of Histioteuthis heteropsis (aka the strawberry squid, or cock-eyed squid). It looks like a strawberry and has one small eye and one big green googly eye to help it spot prey. I actually feel a real connection to it because my left eye doesn't open as far as my right one, and my friends like to tease me about it and call me Wonk-Eyed Jack because my friends are all jerks.

Histioteuthis heteropsis, the strawberry squid, gets its common name from the berry-like appearance of its bright-red body speckled with numerous luminescent photophores. This animal is also called the cockeyed squid due to a remarkable eye dimorphism. The left eye of the adult squid can measure more than twice the diameter of the right eye, a curious trait not known in any other family of bilaterally symmetrical animal.

When reached for comment about the strawberry squid, the ghost of Jacques Cousteau had this to day: "I had sex with a mermaid once." Wow, are you trying to make me jealous, ghost Jacques? Because it's working you old salty dog you! Tell me everything in great detail starting with the color of her seashell bra.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to Luc, who claims he can see in the dark like a cat but definitely didn't catch the knife I threw during our sleepover.

  • I had a wonk eye, too. My left lid was lower than my right, and people would ask me, in broad daylight, if I'd been punched in the face. It was rad. Four surgeries later, I'm much less wonk eyed. Forest Whitaker is still my spirit animal.

  • TheQiwiMan

    If videogames have taught me anything, I feel I need to aim for that big green googly eye...

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  • asdfadfs

    disqus is such bullshit, we allegedly switched to this to avoid
    spambots...but we didn't HAVE ANY until AFTER and now geekologie is infested.(which only makes sense anyway. widespread standardized comments mean masses of standardized spambots can flourish)

    Do they pay you to use them and collect user data or something? I can't think of any other reason gw wouldn't have switched to something else a year or two ago

  • GeneralDisorder

    You know it takes 2 clicks to flag spam bots in disqus now. I'm not sure but I think if you reply to spam bots rather than flag them it takes longer for disqus to act.

  • asdfadfs

    like removing a beach by picking up a grain of sand at a time...and it only takes a tiny fraction of the time and effort for a dumptruck to show up and add more every so often and they're not doing anything to stop the truck

    but sure, heres a pair of tweezers

  • GeneralDisorder

    This is more like removing a brick patio one brick at a time except they're those 12X12 paver bricks and there's literally no other way to do it.

    Oh, and the comment is awaiting moderation now. Flagging works. You just have to do it.

  • asdfadfs

    not if gw changes comments to avoid the infestation of disqus

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    did the "I maded $XXXX/week" people finally attack the site in force and shut you down for a bit?

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