To help advertise the return of the Shamrock Shake (I've already had almost thirty), McDonald's employed a team of engineers to design a new straw for maximum shake drinkability. And this is what they came up with: the STRAW (Suction Tube for Reverse Axial Withdrawal). Wait -- are you being serious right now?
The redesigned STRAW...is meant to alleviate the most basic of problems: having to wait for your shake to melt a bit before you can get the perfect mix of chocolate and mint flavors. While a conventional straw will only slurp up one part of the shake at a time, engineers from JACE Engineering and NK Labs carefully engineered the STRAW's J-shaped snorkel design and side openings to suck in both layers at once. According to McDonald's, their new tubular sipping device required some fairly complex computational fluid dynamics simulations to get the flow right and make sure it works just as well at the bottom of your shake as it did on the first sip.
McDonald's is giving away 2,000 of the snorkel straws and you can check out their website in the coming weeks to see if your local McDonald's will have any so you can go get one and sell it on eBay. Me? I don't need a special straw to drink milkshakes, I use the old fashioned method: wait till it's almost completely melted then chug the whole thing at once like a monster. I...have a lot of health problems.
Keep going for a couple more shots and a video in case you needed that.
Thanks to blue16, who just informed me the shake machine is broken.