I'm going to be honest: I don't know a lot about breast pumps. That's probably pretty shocking to hear from a man in a doctor's lab coat, but this is just for looks. When I first heard about breast pumps I thought they were for making your breasts bigger like a penis pump. Apparently that's not the case. Enter the Willow, a wireless, hands-free, under-the-bra breast pump that allows new mothers to multi-task while pumping iron. I mean milk.
Debuting at this year's CES, Willow claims to be the first truly wearable breast pump. It features two battery powered units shaped like, well, breasts, that you can wear under your clothes while you feed the baby, do household chores, drive and even sleep.
The two big standout features for me are the minimal hardware and sound. The Willow features only a suction cup and two other small parts, which you can stick in the dishwasher to clean. And say goodbye to the hellish pumping noise because it's quiet. Like, really quiet - I had to press my ear against it to hear it
Willows will retail for around $430/pair, which, I think we can all agree, is a lot more expensive than a traditional breast pump with a life-size picture of my face taped to it with the suction cup poking out my mouth. Close your eyes and imagine it. Pretty sweet, right? I'm a good baby. Now put me down for a nap, I'm tired and full.
Keep going for a couple more shots.
Thanks to Stephanie B, who informed me a toilet plunger is not an acceptable substitute for a breast pump, even in an emergency. Good to know.