The Bacon Express: A Toaster Specifically For Bacon

January 23, 2017


This is the Bacon Express (not to be confused with Jack Burton's Pork-Chop Express from Big Trouble In Little China), a $50 toaster made specifically for cooking bacon. But can it also warm hand towels? The Bacon Express can cook up to six strips of regular or thick cut bacon in minutes and has a removable drip tray for catching grease so you can drink it. You ever drank a cup of bacon grease before? I have. I could literally feel my heart struggling to maintain circulation. You know what my doctor told me the last time I went for a checkup? "What are you doing here? I cancelled your appointment because I assumed you'd be dead." That guy! I left with a handful of boner pills and a Highlights magazine.

Keep going for a couple more shots and a video.




Thanks to Dave L, who cooks bacon the old fashioned way: with the fiery breath of his pet dragon. Must be nice.

  • Matt Fricke

    Ok, not to put this down but I found the bacon-cooking tool I needed at walmart not too long ago, which uses your microwave:

    The thing cooks perhaps 15 regular slices of bacon in 10 minutes (1100 watts) or a few minutes longer for thicker slices, and collects all of the grease at the bottom. Just put one thin piece of paper towel/napkin over it to catch any splattering. All rinses out nicely and does not discolor, cool to the touch, and is dishwasher safe. The pegs pop out and lay in the tray nicely so it's low-profile. Seriously, give it a try if you want to cook more bacon.

  • GeneralDisorder

    The first and really only question I have is "what else can it do?"

  • TheQiwiMan

    But what about those of us who love super duper almost-completely-burnt-but-not-really crispy bacon? This looks like it only makes the lame chewy kind of bacon.

  • palpable ovaltine

    It appears to have a crispy setting. Though I assume your bacon will be L or U shaped.

  • Andrew Williams

    (puts index finger to side of nose) I CALL NOT CLEANING IT!

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