Bluetooth Connected Jeans Vibrate To Give Directions

January 12, 2017

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Seen here attending a topless denim festival, a group of women model their Spinali Design Essential jeans (and shorts and skirt, $76 - $109). The jeans can connect to a phone's GPS app via Bluetooth and vibrate either the left or right leg to let you know which way to turn so you don't have to look at your phone. They can also vibrate to let you know that you've got a text or email, because clearly those are the feature pants have been missing all our lives.

But the most interesting feature of the Essential smart jeans is also the most controversial. It's called the 'ping' and it basically allows you to make another wearer's jeans vibrate when you want to get their attention. "This is useful for when you want to discreetly attract someone's attention, or for open offices, or for students," Spinalli claims. I guess you can say this gives the phrase "getting into someone's pants" a whole new meaning.


The Essential jeans have a built-in, non-removable battery that the French company claims should last four years if you use the GPS feature once a week. If you use it less than that, it should last more.

Awesome, so we can get matching vibrating jeans so we can 'ping' each other discreetly during boring business meetings. Whatever happened to spitballs? Besides, I don't want vibrating GPS jeans, I just want a pair of jeans that make my penis look respectable. "It's called a sock." I don't wear socks. "No, put a sock IN your jeans." But that's not where socks go. Are you speaking in code or something? Have you been kidnapped?

Keep going for a weird video.

Thanks again to hairless, who uses earth's magnetic fields for navigation like a bird. Cool! Which way to the nearest beer store?

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