A Guide To Hostess Snacks Based On How Good They Taste/Name Is A Good Pet Name

January 17, 2017


This is the Power Ranking Guide To Hostess Snacks created by Lucas Peterson of Lucky Peach. It ranks Hostess snacks based on taste and the snack's appropriateness for a pet name. I don't really agree with it. First of all, their powdered Donettes are delicious (although you do need to chase them with a lot of milk to avoid looking like you're coughing up chalk dust), and I think Donette is a great name for a pet. And so are Fruit Pie and Ho Ho and Suzie Q. Secondly, now I'm hungry for everything on this chart except coffee cakes, vanilla Zingers, orange cupcakes and mini muffins. Also, not to sound like a Hostess snob or anything, but you forgot the cinnamon rolls (not to be confused with the honey buns) and devil's food flavored cupcakes. Now how am I supposed to take your chart seriously?

Thanks to Christian, who may only eat those little bread wafers they give you at church on Sundays.

  • I can't attest to the taste of most of these, but how are Donette, HoHo, Zinger, Susie Q and Honey Bun not better pet names than Ding Dong, Sno Ball, Mini Muffin or Cupcake? I can only hope that somewhere, there is a brown Dachshund named Chocodile...

  • asdfadfs

    I dispute the wildly subjective claim that "twinkie" is a much better pet name than "suzy q" or even "doughnette". if anything twinkie belongs below "fruitpie". in fact the whole chart is flawed

  • KLanD

    Ok.. whoever made this chart has obviously never tasted these products.. Zingers better than twinkies and coffee cake??

    Chocolate cupcake at the top???

    This person obviously has no taste buds.

  • KungFuTreachery

    Lucas Peterson is clearly a sociopath. Snoball > Fruit pie? Get fucked, sir.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Honestly, Fruit Pie would be a great name for a pet.

  • Bertw192
  • Big Dog on Krampus

    I can't believe the dedication of this guy to name and taste all of those pets. kudos to him.

  • Andrew Newton

    Rasperry Zingers and a regular ass honey bun taste better than coffee cake and hohos?

    Who is this person to be a scholar of sweets, judge of junk food, pundit of pastries, connoisseur of confections? YES I AM MAD

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