Man On Acid And Cough Syrup Saves Neighbor's Dog From Nonexistent House Fire

October 17, 2016


Seen here beating the shit out of State Farm in the good neighbor department, 43-year old Michael Orchard poses for his mugshot while under the influence of LSD and cough syrup. You see what happened was, Michael was tripping so hard he thought his neighbor's house was on fire so he ran door to door trying to get assistance but nobody would help him because there was no fire so he took matters into his own hands and drove his BMW through the neighbor's privacy fence, smashed their back door, and rescued their dog. When police arrived Michael was standing "heroically" by the road holding the animal. Obviously, we need more Michaels in the world.

Orchard was charged with second-degree burglary and third-degree criminal mischief and put in county jail on $15,000 bail.

Neighbors didn't want to go on camera because they're scared of retribution in the tightly packed development. Several neighbors listed things Orchard has allegedly destroyed in the past.

We asked Cepiel why there were no drug charges if Orchard was allegedly high.
"He drove over yards and through the fence. At no point was he on the roadway and no illegal substances were found in his possession," said Cepiel.

Troopers say Orchard was very cooperative. The developers say they've already ordered the victims a new door.  The dog was unharmed.

"Several neighbors listed things Orchard has allegedly destroyed in the past." What an all-star. I could really use a neighbor like Michael. Not only does he know how to party, he knows how to come to the rescue when he's needed. I hope he's the leader of the neighborhood watch. He's the kind of guy you could borrow a cup of sugar from AND watch attack a neighbor's garage door with an axe thinking there's a squirrel trapped inside.

Keep going for a local news report.

Thanks to Claire, who agrees this man deserves a medal and a key to the neighborhood.

  • Fred

    How can you have a charge as ridiculous sounding as 'third-degree criminal mischief' without also having a commendation for 'drug-induced imaginary heroism'?

  • melo


  • Meh

    Yup totally digging this one.

  • Clampity

    "Talk about a bad trip"
    wow what a good joke

  • J J

    Would love to see how a scene like that would play out here in Texas -- wouldn't care if he's a neighbor or high as a kite, someone breaks in my back door gets a hot lead injection. One of the bonuses about living alone... weapons in every room. Why? Why not.

  • Konstantin

    I believe an imaginary parade in hero's honor is in order.

  • TheQiwiMan

    He is not the hero Gotham deserves... but he is the hero Gotham needs.

  • biggs33

    Citizen: "Thank you, Florida Man!"
    FM: "Just doing my job!"
    (Flies off to stop volcano he thinks is erupting in Disney World)

  • Jon
  • Jenness

    I don't know what is more annoying the fact that he's not charged despite the inference he's the neighborhood jerkface or the fact that he drove his BMW 3 series into the fence. Someone dumb enough to mix LSD & cough syrup should have some law of justice that only allows them to drive a crap car.

    However, I am happy he isn't on Flacca and didn't eat anyone's face off and no one was hurt. That at least is something to be thankful for.

  • TheQiwiMan
  • Jenness


  • "...and cough syrup" ??? When you are on LSD, does cough syrup really up the ante?
    I've never seen a headline of "man high on bath salts... and dayquil"

  • Jeremy Tilton

    Maybe he had a bad cough

  • kiden

    The prescription strength stuff has codeine in it.

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