1980's Teddy Ruxpin Toy Is Coming Back To Terrify An All New Generation

October 3, 2016

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Seen here participating in what appears to be some sort of soul-stealing ritual, a trade showman demonstrates the new Teddy Ruxpin. For those of you young enough to be the children I might have conceived in high school if any girl were actually interested in me, Teddy Ruxpin was an 80's robotic bear toy that could play cassette tapes in his stomach and move his mouth and eyes along with the story he was telling. And now he's back to terrify a whole new generation, this time with an internal 4GB hard drive (to which the lady in the video responds with a "Wow!" Four whole gigabytes, that's insane!) and LED full color eyeballs with 40 different animations. He will retail for about $100 and can presumably be hacked to sing death metal and make sure any younger siblings you might have don't get much sleep anymore. Speaking of -- can somebody out there make custom fire and pentagram animations for his eyes? I have a little sister who needs to learn a lesson about tattling.

Keep going for a video of a demonstration from a recent satanic toy trade show.

Thanks to Damien, who used to make the original Teddy sing Ozzy Osborne. Heck yeah, I used to make mine sing my own songs I wrote and recorded. Just kidding, I never had a Teddy Ruxpin because Santa never thought I was good enough. For anything.

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