'Sex-Crazy' Tortoise Fathers Over 800 Offspring, Brings Species Back From Near Extinction

September 16, 2016


Meet Diego. Diego is a Galapagos giant tortoise that's over 100 years old and still boning. No word how many little blue pills he has to take but that was a trick question because everybody knows tortoise boner pills are yellow. Diego was brought back to the Galapagos Islands from the San Diego Zoo in 1976 to help repopulation efforts of Chelonoidis hoodensis on the island of Espanola, the only location this particular species of Galapagos giant tortoise is found in the wild. Since that time Diego has fathered over 800 children and is responsible for about 40% of the island's current population. Still, it's pretty obvious the real heroes here are his mates. They're the ones who have to produce and lay the eggs, Diego here just eats lettuce and plays in his pool and bones on occasion. Where's the article about them? THANK YOU, LADY TORTOISES. Next time tell Diego to bring you some strawberries and sparkling grape juice. Oooh -- and some ninja turtle ooze! Get weird, you deserve it.

Thanks to Mark B and n0nentity, who both volunteered for selective breeding programs but were denied.

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