Good To Know: Scientists Just Discovered Giraffes Are Actually Four Distinct Species

September 9, 2016


In genetics news, after a comprehensive DNA analysis of wild giraffes, scientists have just discovered they're are actually four distinct species (it was previously thought they were a single species with multiple subspecies) that have all been separated for 1 - 2 million years and with "no evidence of genes being exchanged between them." Maybe THAT'S why my giraffes won't breed. "That's an ostrich and a donkey." But you can't deny they love each other.

The four giraffe species are: the southern giraffe (Giraffa giraffa), the Masai giraffe (G. tippelskirchi), the reticulated giraffe (G. reticulata) and the northern giraffe (G. camelopardalis).

Unfortunately, the researchers said they also uncovered a sobering reality. There are fewer than 8,700 reticulated giraffe in the wild and under 4,750 northern giraffe. "As distinct species, it makes them some of the most endangered large mammals in the world and require doubling of protection efforts to secure these populations," said Dr. Julian Fennessy, co-director of the Giraffe Conservation Foundation, in a news release.

Giraffes are my buddy Argee's favorite animals, so I can't wait to tell him the news. He is going to be SUPER STOKED. Or at least a little excited. Maybe mildly interested. He'll probably pretend he doesn't even hear me.

Thanks to ED, who agrees it's only a matter of time till scientists discover he and I are actually our own distinct species FROM THE FUTURE. Hell yeah we got ray guns, shiiiiit.

  • Octo

    Odd, its vagina is on the front.

  • TheOtherJK

    Beat me to it. I suggest that the ancient name camelopard is a mistranslation, it should be cameltoeopard.

  • Gingerbread

    Did not see this post last week. Came here to make the exact same joke. Good job man.

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  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    My goal of making a species of animal go extinct just got 75% easier.

  • Bling Nye

    That giraffe sure looks like a racist fuck now.

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