Getting Magically Clean: The Unicorn Shower Cap

September 1, 2016


This is the Unicorn Shower Cap available from online fashion retailer ASOS ($8). It makes you look like a unicorn a person wearing a cartoon unicorn shower cap. Will you be wearing the nude? I bet you will be! Unless you shower with a bathing suit on like I do because you never know when some idiot in your apartment complex is going to accidentally set the building on fire and you don't feel comfortable running outside wearing only a towel. Because you know what's going to happen. Eventually you'll be gesturing wildly to another neighbor about how big the fish you caught last weekend was and *woops!* off slips your towel. Then the day that should have been known as The Great Apartment Fire of 2016 is suddenly the day everyone saw your nubbin and you had to put in your 30 days notice and find a new apartment even though you've been living there for like six years and know you'll never find as good a deal. "Sounds like you're speaking from experience." I made these mistakes so you don't have to.

Thanks to Lia, who's holding out for a devil horn shower cap so she can pretend she's showering in the magma of hell. Great, now I want to too.

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