You're A Wizard, Harry: What Magical Profession Should You Choose, A Flowchart

August 19, 2016


Note: Larger version HERE in case you take your future career in magic seriously.

This is a flowchart to determine which magical profession you should choose in the event you wake up one morning and some half-giant tells you you're a wizard in the Harry Potter universe and you believe him. Man, wouldn't that be sweet? What did you get? I got Deatheater on account of my liking to watch people suffer and my love of fire. I love fire so much I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it. *snaps fingers, sets coworker on fire* I'm sorry, Phil, the chart said I'm a Deatheater so I need to act like one.

Thanks to carey, who informed me she would be a potion maker. I will buy your wares.

  • Good one, rules are meant to be broken, its was all through the series done by Harry and others to defend the world. Here's what I found interesting in Creately diagram community. Its Voldemort vs harry potter flowchart example

  • It said I was the Dad's guitar...

  • Guesticle

    apparently I am destined to be assistant minion to the dark lord? bullshit

  • Guesticle

    “My Lord, I’ve got it!”

    “Got what?” asked the Dark Lord without looking up from his work.

    “The Sword of Light! The one that can kill you.”

    “Oh, that one…Well, put it on that shelf over there.”

    The hunchbacked dwarf shoved the package he had brought onto the shelf and settled at his master’s feet.

    “The night of the Great Confrontation is in two days’ time,” he remarked in a seemingly casual way.

    “So?” the Dark Lord shrugged indifferently.

    “The sacrifice, my Lord,” the dwarf reminded. “She still has to be found.”

    “Nobody has to be found,” said the Dark Lord with a dismissive wave of his hand and put aside another peeled potatoe.

    “But the ritual…”

    “There will be no ritual!” said the Dark Lord with a stern frown. “It’s about time you got used to it…”

    The dwarf puffed up.

    “My Lord! You’ve been living in the middle of nowhere for a year and a
    half! You breed geese and grow cabbage, while you could rule the world
    by the right of the strong! Where are your Legions of Death? Where are
    the crowds of faithful servants? The palaces, the dungeons, the rows of
    gallows – where is all that? Great conquests, heinous deeds – everything
    has gone down the drain. Look: Light and Good triumph everywhere, even
    children are not afraid to walk the streets at night. How can you
    tolerate that, my Lord?”

    “I have already explained to you,” replied the Dark Lord. “Good always
    wins, evil always loses. There is no point starting a doomed enterprise,
    spending effort and resources when there is not the slightest chance of
    success. And I like winning, you know. Never otherwise!”

    “But how, my Lord? While you are languishing here in oblivion, the Light is gaining strength…”

    “Exactly!” said the Dark Lord, raising his finger. “Gaining strength!
    And what is it going to do with that strength? What is it going to apply
    it to?”

    He took another potato and started peeling it calmly.

    “What will Good do when it discovers it has no one to fight? Me, I’m
    here, sitting in place, not reminding of myself in any way. And the
    others are nothing but midgets, a piece of cake for any light hero. And
    what then? The monsters will run out, but the teeth will remain. All
    thirty-two of them. And who will they bite then?”

    The peeled potato plopped into the saucepan. The Dark Lord took an onion and began whittling it.

    “Give it three or four months, and Good will go mad with idleness. The
    light knights will return to their estates and begin managing them, and
    that is not something everyone can do. There will be territorial
    disputes, and quarreling, and infighting, and raised taxes. The priests
    will remember their monasteries, they will get together for disputes,
    argue until their throats get sore and their faces punched, until they
    are divided into various schools and factions like so many times before.
    I’m not even speaking about the wizards. Elves, humans and dwarves will
    remember their ancient racial prejudices, stir up old grudges and cause
    many new ones. The fighters who only know how to fight will soon become
    robbers as one…The thieves…well, they have always been people without
    conscience. And the struggle for power? Just look at all the fighting
    that is going on around the throne even now! And all that without any
    involvement on my part, mind you. It is exclusively owing to the
    peculiarities of the human nature…Do you remember if I salted the soup?”

    “Not that I saw.”

    The Dark Lord salted his brew, tasted it and added some more salt.

    “Knowing how to rule and knowing how to fight one’s way to the top are
    two different talents. And they very rarely go together. Which means
    that eventually some very prehensile and cunning person will come to
    power, someone who will be able to dominate everyone else by bribes,
    blackmail and sometimes direct threats. And the thing he will care about
    most will be his own well-being – otherwise he wouldn’t make it to the
    top. And then…”

    He fell silent and smiled wistfully, stirring the soup.

    “And then what?” blurted out the dwarf.

    “Nothing. I’ll wait for three or four years until total ruin arrives and
    the people can take it no more. And then I shall take the Sword of
    Light, mount our black steed, if he hasn’t kicked the bucket by then,
    and ride across the country doing heroic deeds left, right and center.
    Until the triumphant end. Because,” he allowed himself a brief gloating
    smirk, “good always wins.”

  • palpable ovaltine

    These make no sense. Having a disregard for rules leads you to be the minister of magic and having poor eyesight makes you a wand maker.

  • Guesticle

    makes perfect sense. how many rules has hillary ever followed when inconvenient?

  • Guesticle

    replied to wrong comment. moved to fix it

  • Jenness

    YAY!!! (jk I didn't read it all but I applaud the effort)

  • hyun.crum
  • Bling Nye

    Makes perfect sense if you see it as analogous to government jobs.

  • Jon

    Yeah, piss poor effort if you ask me.

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