There Is A God: Girl Scouts Rolling Out Two New Cookie Varieties

August 12, 2016


To celebrate National S'Mores Day on August 10th, the Girl Scouts announced the addition of two new s'mores inspired cookies to their already delicious lineup. Just a moment while I chug a gallon of water to expand my stomach, then puke it all back up to make room for a couple boxes of these things. I'm gonna get that diabetes badge even if it kills me.

"We're combining two iconic Girl Scout traditions--s'mores and Girl Scout Cookies," a statement on their website read Wednesday.

To double the excitement for Girl Scout cookie and s'mores enthusiasts, there are two versions of the new variety: "a crispy graham cookie double dipped in a crème icing and enrobed in a chocolatey coating and a crunchy graham sandwich cookie with a chocolate and marshmallowy filling."

The new s'mores cookies are the first new Girl Scout cookie variety since 2015, when they released their Toffee-tastic, Trios and Rah-Rah Raisin varieties. They are joining the Girl Scouts official cookie lineup, which means they will be here to stay.

Mmmm, s'mores. I used to love making s'mores around a campfire when I was a kid. Then I used to love making them in the microwave for an after-school snack when I was in high school. Now I'm kind of turned off by them. And not just because my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to fool around with them in the bedroom, but my penis did look like Two-Face's bad side for like a month after.

Thanks to Ashleigh, who informed me she's pregnant and really hopes its a girl and wants to be a Girl Scout for the cookie hookup. Congratulations, call me in six years and I'll buy a case.

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