Let's Go: Potentially Habitable Planet Found Orbiting The Closest Star To Our Sun

August 25, 2016


In news that has me doubling quadrupling my efforts to finish building a rocketship, astronomers have announced that there's a rocky planet orbiting within the habitable zone (where liquid water could exist on a planet's surface) around Proxima Centauri, the closest star to our sun. The planet, Proxima b, has 1.3 earth masses but orbits Proxima Centauri at just 5% the distance between earth and our sun because Proxima Centauri is a red dwarf with just 0.12 the mass of our sun. The teensy solar system is a scant 4.5-light years away, or the distance light travels in 4.5-years. So traveling at the speed of light it would take 4.5 years to get there. For reference, we will never get there. We will probably go extinct having never left our own solar system, or, in the very best case scenario, floating just outside our solar system praying for some aliens take pity on us. They will not take pity though, they'll see us through their googly eyes for the no-good planet-ruiners we are. Then they'll blast the ship carrying earth's last human hope right out of the blackness of space, and the whole galaxy will sound a sign of relief. Amen. *rereads* Man, that story did not include nearly enough alien sex, and I'm sorry for that. I'll take things in a different direction next time.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a video, but feel free to tell your mom or anybody else that the picture above is a real photo of the planet taken by a probe we sent there and let me know if they believe it.



Thanks to everyone who sent this, every one of which is welcome aboard my spacecraft. For a tour, not for blasting off -- I need trained professionals. AND NO STOWAWAYS.

  • Pistol Pete

    I wonder about a government on a colonized planet. It'll likely be a joint mission between several countries. Whose rules do we use? Hey, that rhymed. I'M STARTING MY OWN BLOG.

    I'm not trained for the many technical specialties required for planetary colonization, but they're going to need guardians, peacekeepers, a government, and some type of judicial system, or it'll basically be low-grav Young Guns up in that bitch. NASA, if you're listening, one friendly veteran space cop standing by to launch.

  • aquarius7373

    Unless the universe is a simulation or there's any other way we could reprogram it. Step 1: send astronauts for a 10 year journey after sufficient technological advancements. Step 2: reprogram space so we can get there within a week. Step 3: beat the astronauts there and debate whether it really was technically "faster" or if quicksilver is actually faster than the flash.

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