75 Pounds, 2-Feet Long, Worth $100-Million: The World's New Largest Pearl

August 26, 2016


These are several shots of the world's new largest pearl, a massive 34kg (75-pound) behemoth that measures a foot wide and 2.2-feet in length. For reference, that's about the same size, but not shape, as of one of my balls. They pearl beats the previous record holder (the Pearl of Lao Tzu, aka the Pearl of Allah) by some 61-pounds. Now that's how I like to win contests: by an insane f***ing margin. One year I'm going to enter that Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest and eat every hot dog there, including the other contestants'. Plus at least 22-feet of raw dog coming out of the wiener-shaping machine. I'm a monster and I like to win. This pearl was actually discovered by a Filipino fisherman ten years ago in a giant clam, who kept it hidden under his bed for the last decade, clearly after reading Steinbeck's The Pearl and learned a thing or two. Unfortunately, a house fire and the need to move caused him to finally hand the pearl over to a local tourism officer, who will probably reward the man with little to nothing. I know how these things work. Fingers crossed it's just a whale's tooth and this guy's been playing everybody.

Keep going for a couple more shots.



Thanks to n0nentity, who informed me if he'd been in that crowd in the last pic, he'd currently be the owner of the world's largest pearl.

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