Scientists Find Mystery Purple Blob At Bottom Of Ocean

July 27, 2016

purple-blob-mystery.jpg

This is the mysterious purple blob that scientists manning the unmanned sea rover Nautilus discovered while exploring the ocean floor off the coast of California. What the hell is it? They're not sure. And I'm not sure that crab knows either, although he does flick it a couple times. Hey you -- ballsack, it's time to go the humans sent their robot down here and it has a vacuum arm attachment. Eventually they do suck up the blob to study, which measures a couple inches across and looks like a translucent sphere with some sort of lighter colored nucleus inside. When reached for comment about the discovery, my roommate told me 'that's a f***in' alien egg sac if I've ever seen one' and proceeded to start smoking weed in the living room even though I've asked him a million times to keep it in his bedroom until I'm done with work so I can concentrate. Cool, now he's just reading what I'm writing over my shoulder. Eat shit Derek, walk away right now or I'll tell everyone about that thing you do. Oh you know the thing! Fine, the penis thing with the jump rope and ceiling fan. Okay cool he's gone.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to DieselNuts, who agrees tasting it is an important part of the discovery of any new sealife.

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