This is the black-as-a-moonless-midnight ice cream sold by Morgenstern's Finest Ice Cream of New York City. The ice cream dyes your lips and tongue black and is 'coconut ash' flavored, which is made from "the charred and processed remains of a coconut shell." Mmmm, I love the charred and processed remains of things. Especially-- "Your enemies?" Listen, are you trying to get me to hire you as my advisor or what because you're really impressing me right now. You GET me. Getting me is very important to being my second in command. What am I thinking right now? "Penis?" Don't say it like it's a question, say it like you KNOW it. "Penis!" That's more like it. Man, when I get home today I'm going to make you a badge out of aluminum foil wrapped cardboard and make this thing official. Wanna spit-shake on it? "Sure." Awesome, you start filling this bucket with spit, I'll go grab the blender and some frozen berries.
Thanks to hairless, who invented clear ice cream that's dairy-free and tastes like water. I have to try it.