Finally, A Terrifyingly Dangerous Toilet Paper Dispensing Machine

July 13, 2016

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This is a video demonstration of the automated toilet paper dispensing machine built by The Useless Duck Company. It uses a small motor to dispense a length of toilet paper, and a small chainsaw to cut it. You know I was just thinking I needed to find a way to incorporate a chainsaw into the already-most-dangerous-room-in-the-house, and here they beat me to it. It's perfect. Plus that chainsaw could come in handy if you're ever sitting on the shitter and decide now's the time to cut off your hand or penis. Hey -- I'm not here to judge, I'm only here to understand. Think of me like you therapist. Your therapist that will absolutely use everything you tell me against you. You think I won't tell your mom what you said about her? I'll absolutely tell her. "But I didn't say anything." Then I'll make shit up, I'm sick.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to Monkeys with guns, who invited me to a party and I've half scared, half more excited than I've ever been in my life.

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