So, It's Come To This: Man Marries His Smartphone

June 28, 2016


Seen here looking like a poor man's Matthew McConaughey (a VERY poor man's -- a hobo's Matthew McConaughey), film director Aaron Chervenak went to a Las Vegas wedding chapel and married his smartphone, presumably just to make this ridiculous little video about it because this is the world we live in. I want out of this snow-globe.

If we're going to be honest with ourselves, we connect with our phones on so many emotional levels. We look to it for solace, to calm us down, to put us to sleep, to ease our minds. And to me, that's also what a relationship is about. So, in a sense, my smartphone has been my longest relationship.

How profound. Such a powerful message. Of course when you've never had a real human relationship that's lasted past a single Tinder date of course your phone is going to win the longest relationship award. Me? I date a phone for like six months to a year then shatter them into a thousand pieces. That wasn't meant to be a metaphor. Still, no word if these two have consummated their relationship yet, and I'm thankful for that.

Keep going for the video. Also, can he be charged with murder if her battery dies?

Thanks to JF, who married a calculator watch in the late 80's, so there. Then divorced it and married one of those watches that can change TV channels in the mid 90's.

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