Eat It!: Scientists Discover 2,000 Year Old Chunk Of Butter

June 14, 2016

2000-year-old-butter.jpg

This is the 2,000 year old, 22-pound chunk of 'bog butter' that scientists recently discovered in Ireland. Or it could be a dinosaur turd, you can never rule that out when something that looks so much like a giant piece of shit. I'm on the edge of my seat, somebody just lick the damn thing already.

The museum notes bogs are wonderful places to store dairy items due to their "low temperature, low oxygen and highly acidic environment." The butter may have been tucked into the bog as a religious offering to spirits. It was considered a luxury item and was sometimes used as a form of payment.


According to Irish news site Breaking News, the bog butter smells like strong cheese. The dairy substance is now in the possession of the National Museum of Ireland for conservation and study. Andy Halpin from the National Museum says, "Theoretically the stuff is still edible but we wouldn't say it's advisable."

Seriously, nobody's tried it yet? Just try it. It's not going to kill you. And if it does kill you at least you'll die the only person in the world who's ever tried 2,000-year old butter. That's something. It's probably more than you were going to do with your life anyways. Hell, let me try it. I am going to need some equally ancient toast and jam though. If this is going to be my last meal, I at least want to do it right. Now -- who's ready to watch a man choke to death?

Thanks to ArthurD, who told me he's convinced he's got some preserved SpaghettiO's in his stomach from all the mud he used to eat as a kid.

  • Xockszky

    And I can't even buy a large block of butter because it will go bad before I can use it all!

  • GeneralDisorder

    Do you store butter in your anus or something? I've never had butter go bad before.

  • Gordon Freeman

    They're just waiting for the 2000 year old toast to show up.

  • Jenness

    They ate some, they just won't admit it - because they are too busy with explosive vomit and diarrhea right now.

  • MustacheHam

    You're terrible and I love you for that.

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