Over A Mile: Italy Cooks The World's Longest Pizza

May 23, 2016


250 pizza chefs working in shifts of 100 recently cooked the world's longest pizza in Naples, Italy. The pizza measures 6,082 feet, or 1.15 miles long. For reference, that is 1.15 miles minus 14 inches longer than any pizza I have ever baked, so they blew my record out of the water. Congratulations. But does your penis smell like pepperoni and onions? "That's not desirable." Cool, then mine doesn't either.

Cooking the Neapolitan-style pizza took five motorized wood-burning stoves, which wheeled their way down the length of the pizza foot by foot. Once the record was confirmed, visitors took complimentary slices, and surplus pizza was donated to those in need.

Here are the numbers: it took 2.2 tons of flour, 2.2 tons of mozzarella cheese, 3,527 pounds of tomato sauce, 200 liters of olive oil, and 66 pounds of fresh basil. All of the ingredients were sourced locally from the Campania region, also known as the "home of pizza," according to Guinness.

What does 2.2 tons of mozzarella cheese even look like? Is that enough to fill a swimming pool? At least a hot tub, right? I would hot tub in mozzarella cheese with you. Maybe we'll turn the jets on and play footsie under the cheese bubbles? Or maybe we'll just try to eat as much as we can until we puke. Either way, it's definitely gonna be a memorable first date. I already have a shrine to you in the back of my closet with candles and everything. "Wait, what?" I said we should get marinara enemas.

Keep going for a video about the feat.

Thanks to Rebecca, who dreams of baking the world's longest breadstick. Never give up on your dreams, Rebecca, I believe in you. Plus will help eat that breadstick. I'm good for at least a quarter mile.

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