26-Feet: Potential New World's Largest Snake Caught

April 12, 2016


This is a shot and video of what is believed to be the largest snake ever captured, a 26-foot, 550-pound reticulated python found near a construction site in Paya Terubong, Malaysia, where I assume they were constructing the world's largest mouse statue.

Herme Herisyam, an official with Malaysian department that caught the snake, told the Guardian that workers from the construction site called the emergency services on Thursday and authorities took 30 minutes to trap the snake.

It emerged later on Monday that the python died on Sunday after giving birth. Herisyam told the Guardian that the snake, which was caught on Thursday, had died after laying an egg. It is not clear why the serpent perished.

Ooooh, it was a LADY snake. It sucks that it died. Somebody should incubate that egg and see if the baby grows to the the NEW world's largest snake, and come back to eat all these people because clearly they killed it. You don't grow to be 26 feet long and die so easy. Clearly somebody already had a buyer lined up for the world's largest snakeskin. Now I'm not saying these people are evil, I'm just saying I'm evil and assume everybody thinks like me. *answers phone* No, dammit, I said I wanted it to be a rug, not boots. Just kidding, that was my buddy Dave. He called to tell me he has the world's biggest snake in his pants. I told him to be careful because his penis wouldn't even be an appetizer for that thing.

Keep going for a video. Also, if you're going to kick a snake to get its attention, you should at least play fair and not have its mouth taped closed.

Thanks to my buddy Dave, who just got burned in the actual post so I'll say something nice here. Hmmmm.

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