This is a video of veterinarian Dr Joe Hollins giving Jonathan the Giant Tortoise the first bath of his life. For reference, I have never had a bath and I'm an 800 year old warlock, but you don't see me making the news. Journalism is dead. Jonathan is not though, and lives on the island of Saint Helena, where he was brought in 1882 at the ripe young age of 50. Now he's 184 and believed to be the oldest living land animal. Good looking, Jonathan! I can't wait for his 200th birthday. You think he'll have a cake? "Probably just grass." Hmmm, what about a piñata? "Doubt it." I'm busy that weekend.
Keep going for the video, then somebody come over and give me a sponge bath.
Thanks to Super Sleeper, who seriously won't wake up, not even if there's a fire.