NOZIPP Sleeping Bag Uses Magnets Instead Of Zipper

March 16, 2016


This is the NOZIPP Sleeping Bag, a high-end (read: $420) sleeping bag that uses a strip of magnets for closure instead of a zipper. I hate zippers. My penis REALLY hates zippers and if I even mention them he tries to hide inside me for a week. I'm going to be honest, if the only sleeping bags on earth cost $420, I would have frozen to death long ago. Did you know I used to sleep in a sleeping bag into my teens? That's true. It was because I was afraid of ghosts and I liked to be completely enclosed so no ghosts could get to me. I would get so sweaty in there the fabric lining inside the bag would mold and my mom would have to get me a new one. Now I'm not afraid of ghosts anymore so I sleep naked with nothing but a Spider Man bed sheet. Close your eyes and picture it. It pictures good, doesn't it? Yeah it does. Personally, I don't need a sleeping bag when I go camping because I am friends with the animals and the bears cuddle me and I use a fluffy rabbit for a pillow. I am kind of like the forest version of Aquaman. I call myself Forest Aquaman and I drive an electric ATV.

Keep going for their Kickstarter video.

Thanks to n0nentity, who just digs a hole and sleeps in it covered in leaves because...I'm not sure why actually. Why the hell do you do that?

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