Darker Than Your Ex's Heart: The New Blackest Material

March 8, 2016

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This is the latest production of Surrey NanoSystems' VantaBlack nanotubes. The previous version absorbed 99.96% of visible light. This one absorbs 99.965%. An extra five-thousandths of a percent! Hey, I'd be celebrating too if I'd made it. I haven't made anything but dinner last night and I burnt the garlic bread and ruined my date. Just kidding, there was no date or garlic bread, just microwavable Salisbury steak and sadness. The material is so dark that even a laser pointer doesn't reflect any light back to the viewer. Now that is BLACK. I want the inside of my eyelids coated with this stuff so even when I close my eyes in full sun it's completely dark. That way I can still nap on my journey into the sun. "You'll never survive." It's not about surviving. "What's it about then?" Personal growth. "You're going to die." No, I'm going to grow into a fireball.

Keep going for two videos demonstrating just how black VantaBlack is.

Thanks to n0nentity, who tried to tell me his ex's heart is even blacker, which, based on the stories he told me, might actually be true. I can't believe she did that.

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