Astronaut Gains 2-Inches In Height After Year In Space

March 3, 2016


Astronaut Scott Kelly just returned to earth after spending 340 days aboard the International Space Station, and, among the things he brought back with him, are an extra 2-inches in height. Lucky! I wish I was a little bit taller. "I wish I was a baller." I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her. "I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat." Okay stop, that's all I remember.

Apparently, this was expected: freed from the bounds of gravity, a person's spine tends to elongate in weightlessness. Sadly, Kelly will not get to keep his height advantage for long now that he's back on Earth.

Yep, now that he's back on Earth, gravity will crush Scott's spine back to his pre-space days, along with his spirit in the process. And can you blame him? It's hard living on earth after being in space. I should know, I was born in space. Also, you want to grow two-inches without having in weightlessness space for a year? I've got just the thing for you. "That's a penis pump." But not just any penis pump. "A gas powered penis pump?" If it doesn't rip it off first, your penis will be the biggest it's ever been, guaranteed. Plus smell like gasoline (ladies love that).

Thanks to Marcus O, who spent spring break in space and all he got was this lousy airbrushed t-shirt. Hey, I kinda like that shirt.

  • I thought he gained 2 inches for his penis... :)

  • Well, I know MY lady loves it when I smell like gasoline, but it's not usually for that reason...

  • Munihausen

    something about my penis being in space....

  • PhilipDrake

    That is what NASA wants you to believe. that we are worthless, specks of
    miniscule, insignificant accidents of an explosion that occurred from
    nothing. The earth is flat, and it was created for us. Call it by "God"
    or "Creator" or whatever you may want to call it, but ALL religions, and
    ALL documentation states this fact. The earth is flat, my friend. Look
    into Eric Dubay, Mark Sargent, Jeranism, ODD TV, DITRH and many many
    more. This mass awakening has happened since this past year, and it has
    given all life meaning when NASA and the Freemason #$%$ that they are,
    have hidden this truth from us to to usher in their New World Order.
    Yes, this looks insane. It should, because we have been conditioned
    since birth for the last 500 years that we are accidental "nothings" on a
    tiny pebble floating through the vast cosmos. There are NO cosmos. We
    are IT. The sun and moon and everything we call stars are WITHIN this
    firmament that we are under and within. The stars and "planets" are
    simply luminaries in the dome created by sound flowing through water.
    This is ALL proven by science, only.... we never pieced it all together,
    until now. This may fall upon deaf ears due to the overwhelmingly heavy
    and confrontational to our core teachings that these truths reveal, but
    if one more person can become aware to the truth and realize that they
    and WE all mean something, and are not a part of some evolutionary
    godless big bang, than this has served its purpose. BRING DOWN NASA,

  • What the... ?
    You are joking, right?

  • timeiskey
  • mycropht

    Gains two inches!!! Oh, in height...

  • Mr.4maldehyde

    *eyebrows wiggle*

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