This is the Hangover Cup, a $15 oversized sippy cup for adults who drank too much the night before. It holds up to a liter of liquid, which should make a large enough cocktail to hair-of-the-dog you back to feeling decent. Just lay in bed watching cartoons and sipping your drink and you'll be feeling good enough to cab your way back to the bar in no time. What you call and tell your boss why you aren't coming into work is entirely up to you, but I'd say suggest something along the lines of you forgot tryouts for the Neighborhood Watch were today, and you feel a sense of responsibility to the community. Depending how drunk you are maybe even ask for a raise.
Keep going for one more shot.
Thanks to Damian, who only drinks out of baby bottles because of the nipple.