That's Gotta Be A Record: Daddy Longlegs Trapped In Amber Maintains Erection For 99 Million Years

February 3, 2016

daddy-longlegs-death-weiner-1.jpg

This is a daddy longlegs (aka harvestman) that was trapped in amber with an erect penis. That is not how I want to go at all. Okay, MAYBE the penis part, but definitely not the amber. There's the possibility the arachnid was mating when it got trapped in tree resin and the female got away. There's also this much sadder possibility:

"In harvestmen, the penis is sometimes pushed out by increasing blood pressure," Dunlop said. "Maybe as the animal struggled when it got caught in the sticky tree resin, its blood pressure rose and the penis was pushed out accidentally?"

Well that's depressing. It got stuck, panicked, then died with a boner. Life isn't fair, not even for daddy longlegs. There's really only one situation where I'd ever want to die alone with an erection, and that involves being the last person on earth and sacrificing myself to save humanity by impregnating a volcano via the jump-in with boner method.

Keep going for a closeup of just the wiener because this is the internet.

daddy-longlegs-death-weiner-2.jpg

Thanks to Arlene, who knows how hard I pray at night that paleontologists uncover a fossil of a dino boner. And to PotatoRaider, who will stop at nothing to steal your spuds.

Previous Post
Next Post