Diving For Dildos: Star Wars Pool Diving Toys Accused Of Looking Like Sex Toys

February 22, 2016


Because people have sex on the brain 24/7 (or in my case 24/6 because I refuse to acknowledge Mondays), some parents have called out Target for selling these Star Wars pool diving sticks that look kinda sorta a little bit like dildos. Please, everything looks like a dildo. If Target removed everything they sold that looked like a dildo they would only sell greeting cards. Per customer Jodi Jones:

"Are we sure these are children's toys, Target? Looks a little questionable to me."

Jones, whose share to Target's page was taken down, later clarified that she wasn't offended by the tubular renditions of Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and a stormtrooper, but merely amused.

"I posted it because I found it funny and wanted to share with fellow adults who could appreciate the humour in the whole thing", she wrote on Facebook.

Whew, so she wasn't actually offended. That's a relief. At first I thought this was one of those angry soccer mom type situations. And you know how I feel about angry soccer moms. I love them, because I love everybody because there is so much love in my heart because I am a good person and want to go to heaven. "Excuse me--" I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD PHIL, NO TALKING UNTIL AFTER LUNCH. I hate that guy so much. Now, where was I? Oh right -- you know the people who really get upset about toys looking like penises are usually the ones that write those angry Facebook posts with some sort of animal tail buttplug in. That is a fact you could print on money.

Keep going for one more shot in the packaging.


Thanks to Stephanie B, who informed me everything can be a dildo if you're a crazy person.

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