Diving For Dildos: Star Wars Pool Diving Toys Accused Of Looking Like Sex Toys

February 22, 2016

star-wars-dive-toys-1.jpg

Because people have sex on the brain 24/7 (or in my case 24/6 because I refuse to acknowledge Mondays), some parents have called out Target for selling these Star Wars pool diving sticks that look kinda sorta a little bit like dildos. Please, everything looks like a dildo. If Target removed everything they sold that looked like a dildo they would only sell greeting cards. Per customer Jodi Jones:

"Are we sure these are children's toys, Target? Looks a little questionable to me."


Jones, whose share to Target's page was taken down, later clarified that she wasn't offended by the tubular renditions of Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and a stormtrooper, but merely amused.

"I posted it because I found it funny and wanted to share with fellow adults who could appreciate the humour in the whole thing", she wrote on Facebook.

Whew, so she wasn't actually offended. That's a relief. At first I thought this was one of those angry soccer mom type situations. And you know how I feel about angry soccer moms. I love them, because I love everybody because there is so much love in my heart because I am a good person and want to go to heaven. "Excuse me--" I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD PHIL, NO TALKING UNTIL AFTER LUNCH. I hate that guy so much. Now, where was I? Oh right -- you know the people who really get upset about toys looking like penises are usually the ones that write those angry Facebook posts with some sort of animal tail buttplug in. That is a fact you could print on money.

Keep going for one more shot in the packaging.

star-wars-dive-toys-2.jpg

Thanks to Stephanie B, who informed me everything can be a dildo if you're a crazy person.

  • Jonathan Harris

    For ages FIVE PLUS?! lol "Grandma got me dildos again!"

  • TheQiwiMan

    Anything can be a dildo to he or she who is worthy, with a smile on their face and the love of all mankind in their hearts.

  • I agree.
    That Barbie was never the same.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    It's the Dora the Explorer Aquapets all over again.

    Can we just start saying that these things look like grain silos, instead? It's just as reasonable. I think people are thinking about dicks too much.

  • I think about them ALL. THE. TIME.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    It's like that with me and tits.

    Strange world we live in, I suppose.

  • Guesticle

    grain silos look like penises because the old european god of farming doubled as a god of fertility. ....and then after the romans conquered them the *first* time(before they came back and paved over their old roman pagan forced conversion with jesus, damnit romans make up your minds!) the poor guy got smushed together with the roman god of dicks(you could find statues of priapus 'guarding' crop fields with his cock out as a "trespassers will be anally raped" sign)
    so the silos were in tribute to earn his blessing/protection and just happened to be an actually functional shape so they stayed in modern times

  • TheQiwiMan

    Nice try, but I rather trust this historian's interpretation of silos over yours:

    http://bit.ly/Qv6A0C

    No offense. :-/

  • The Kylo Ren one looks like it could be a little uncomfortable.

  • Oswaldo Parra

    Because some guys don't get a circumcision.

  • Foreskins aren't normally hard though.

  • bluecheesedressing

    In before, "Good Helmet," jokes.

  • Dark Helmet?

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