Because Waking Up Is Hard: Caffeinated Toothpaste

January 21, 2016


Power Toothpaste is toothpaste infused with caffeine. That caffeine will be absorbed by your gums when you brush in the morning (you do brush your teeth in the morning, right? I don't, then I come to work and talk as close to everyone's face as possible), helping you wake up. Apparently caffeine is absorbed much quicker through your gums, so brushing with it provides a rush much faster than drinking coffee (which is slowly absorbed through your stomach over time). However, because it's absorbed so quickly, it's also depleted faster, and that's when you start getting the sleepies waiting in morning traffic. Hey -- at least you made it out the door. Also, make sure you clearly label your caffeinated toothpaste MORNING TOOTHPASTE, so you don't accidentally use it before bed. One time I accidentally drank caffeine before bed and spent an hour counting the kernels in my popcorn ceiling.

Hit the jump for a promotional video. You can contribute to their IndieGoGo campaign HERE ($15 for a tube), or just continue butt-chugging cold-brewed coffee during your morning shower like a normal person.

Thanks to Ro, who agrees the best way to wake up in the morning is convince yourself there's a killer loose in the neighborhood and you may left your keys in the front door.

  • Dan Meropol

    Hi, I'm the founder of Power Toothpaste. Check us out on Indiegogo, and please considering contributing to help make Power Toothpaste a reality. Let me know if you have any questions!


  • Brad Walton

    Came here to talk shit, but in the short time it took for the page to load, I realized this is one of the greatest ideas ever.


    Hmm....I'm torn on how I feel about this

  • Jenness

    Realism in Advertising "This is perfect for sleepy children in the morning. Let the teacher deal with the crash later then blame schools for poor teaching methods instead of your insanely horrible parenting skills."

  • Bling Nye

    This is a thing, but chewing on a coca leaf is illegal in the US?

  • Oh, LOTS of things are illegal in the US... (If you're caught.)

  • Bling Nye

    "Convicted? ......No, never convicted."

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